


My Love Is Not Fragile

by dragonwings948



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Gallifrey (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, F/M, Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Internal Conflict, Kissing, Marriage Proposal, Relationship Advice, Romance, Surprises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:02:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28038858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonwings948/pseuds/dragonwings948
Summary: Leela and Narvin have some things to work through in their relationship, but with a little help, they might just get through it closer than they've ever been before.
Relationships: Leela & Romana II, Leela (Doctor Who)/Narvin (Doctor Who), Narvin & Romana II, Twelfth Doctor/River Song
Comments: 27
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to personally thank Taylor Swift for releasing a new album with a song that is extremely Leela/Narvin right in the middle of me writing this fic and providing me with more inspiration and I would also like to thank Frozen II for providing me with the great quote for the title.

Narvin sighed and leaned back in his chair. He rubbed his eyes, letting out a long yawn. It had been a long day, but a good one; a day that made his weariness feel like it was worth something.

There was a tap on his open door. He turned his head and sat up as he saw Leela framed in the doorway. Suddenly, exhaustion was the very last thing on his mind.

“Leela!" he said with a smile.

Before he could get up to greet her, she walked across the room and deposited herself right into his lap. She beamed at him, her smile sending him to pieces in a moment.

“Hello, Narvin," she said softly, caressing his cheek. She kissed him only briefly, but it left him breathless all the same. Even after months of being together, he still hadn’t grown used to the way her lips seemed to fit perfectly against his.

Leela pulled away, amusement in her eyes. She knew exactly what she did to him and used it to her advantage; not that he minded in the least.

Narvin cleared his throat, trying to regain coherent thought. “Is there anything the Deputy Coordinator of the CIA can do for you, Lady Leela?”

She pursed her lips like she was considering it. Narvin brushed her hair back away from her face and watched the way her blue eyes shone in the light.

“He could come with me to explore the Citadel tonight.” She raised an eyebrow. “I thought he was already supposed to be finished for the day.”

“Yes, well, having the title of _Deputy_ Coordinator somehow doesn’t mean that there’s less work. I had some things to finish up for Romana.”

“Are you finished now?”

Narvin paused. He didn’t want to weigh down her lightheartedness. “Yes, but…” He sighed. “Leela, if we were seen together, the rumours would start. You know that this is—”

“Delicate,” she finished, the excitement draining from her expression. Her lips turned down into a frown. “That is the word you keep using, and I do not understand it. Why should we care what the old time lords think about us?”

“It’s not that.” Narvin considered, trying to figure out how to make her understand. “Things are changing, you know that. The War Council forming, Livia regenerating, the Daleks at our doorstep. The CIA needs to be seen at its very strongest right now.”

A small crease formed between Leela’s eyebrows. “And…I would somehow weaken you?”

“No! Of course not. But the High Council, everyone else—they don’t understand.” He paused. He didn’t really want to bring it up, but… “Do you remember what it was like for Andred?” he asked softly.

“Andred bore the ridicule because he knew it did not matter,” Leela snapped quickly.

Narvin clapped his mouth shut. It had absolutely been the wrong thing to say.

A moment of silence passed before Leela looked into his eyes. “Are you afraid, Narvin?”

“I’m just trying to be careful, for both our sakes.” How could he explain it? Leela couldn’t grasp the political strain the CIA was under, the way that word of their relationship would undermine his position and possibly Romana’s as well. It was something they couldn’t afford, especially now.

Narvin pulled her to his chest and he heard Leela sigh as she rested her head over his left heart. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her hair. “Will you trust me, just a little bit longer?”

“It is always ‘just a little bit longer,’” she muttered against his robes.

Narvin frowned down at her, trying to think of something to say, when he heard the faintest sound of footsteps arriving at his door. He glanced over and saw Romana standing there, frozen, a look of apology on her face.

 _“Bad time?”_ she mouthed silently.

Narvin gave her a pointed look and she started to back away, but then Leela sat up and looked in her direction. “Romana! You are working late as well?”

Romana glanced between Leela and Narvin. “Actually, I was just about to leave…”

“Perhaps _you_ are brave enough to walk through the Citadel with me. I need some fresher air than I can get from inside this cramped building.”

Narvin dragged a hand over his face and let out a long, silent sigh. Romana met his eyes for the briefest moment, her eyes saying _“sorry”_ as clearly as if she’d said it out loud. “You’re not…” Her eyes rolled upward as she seemed to search for a word. “…otherwise occupied with Narvin?”

“I do not want to hide in Narvin’s office today.” She crossed her arms, not even offering Narvin a glance.

Narvin felt a headache start to throb at his temples. “You two go and have fun. I have some work to finish up here, anyway,” he lied, knowing that he’d simply lay his head on his desk and wonder where he’d gone wrong.

Romana still looked unsure. “Well…all right. Wait for me outside the Tower, Leela; there’s something I need to discuss briefly with Narvin.”

“Goodnight, Narvin,” Leela said, sparing him a single look before she left his office without even allowing him time to say anything in response.

As soon as she was gone, Narvin let out a long, exhausted, aggravated groan.


	2. Chapter 2

Romana took in Narvin’s sorry state. She’d rarely ever seen him look so troubled, even in the middle of war. “I’m sorry, Narvin.” It was obvious that things between him and Leela were a little strained at the moment, and she only hoped her presence hadn’t made it worse. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“It’s not your fault,” Narvin sighed. “In fact, you probably saved me from digging myself into a deeper hole.”

Romana paused and considered what else she could do. She tried to steer clear from getting involved in their relationship—the last thing she wanted was to be caught in the middle of a lovers’ quarrel—but at the same time, they were her closest friends. When they were under strain, so was she.

“Should I even ask what’s going on?”

Narvin shook his head. “I appreciate your sympathy, Romana, but I don’t think it can be helped.” His hand curled into a fist. “She just doesn’t understand!”

Romana had to fight a smile as he went on. He was going to tell her anyway.

“I keep trying to explain to her that word of the two of us…our relationship…it wouldn’t look good for the CIA with Gallifrey in its current state. Though the time lords here are much more accepting towards aliens now—due largely to your presidency—it would still cause us to be viewed differently if everyone were to know about us.”

Romana saw straight through his hurried, anxious words. She considered that Narvin may not even know he was lying to himself. “You mean it would cause _you_ to be viewed differently?”

Narvin’s head snapped up to look straight at her. “Of course not! I’m only thinking about Leela—”

“Who has been through all of this before and couldn’t care less how anyone views her, least of all the High Council and the rest of the politicians.”

Narvin swallowed, a sort of panic rising in his eyes. “But— I—” He huffed. “Look, I don’t want everyone to get the wrong idea and think that Leela is just some…some _toy_ that I’m simply playing with.”

“How noble of you,” Romana said, unable to keep a hint of sarcasm from her tone as he still completely missed the point. She leaned back against the wall and folded her arms over her chest. “But I don’t think that’s what’s really driving you. If it were, you could simply prove them all wrong.”

“How?” He looked at her in desperation. “How can I keep things the same and still make Leela happy?”

Romana watched as he seemed to think about the words that had just come out of his mouth. It took him a few seconds, but he got there in the end. He hung his head, his shoulders heaving as he sighed.

“I’m sorry, Romana. You must not think much of me right now.”

“I _think_ you have a choice to make.”

“It’s her.” Even with his hair in disarray and his face lined with concern, the ferocity in his eyes said there was no denying that he meant it. “It’s her every time.”

Something about the conviction in his words was enough to even melt Romana’s hearts a little. “Over Gallifrey?”

“Over me.” He paused, staring down at his hands. “What can I do to make it right?” 

Romana drummed her fingers against her arm. “Well, Leela does prize actions above words. You could do something to show everyone—including Leela—exactly what she means to you.”

“Like what?”

Romana threw out her arms. “I don’t know! It’s not like I’m an expert in these matters.”

Narvin let out a long sigh, leaning his elbows on his desk and burying his face in his hands. “I appreciate your help, Romana,” he said wearily, “but you should go with Leela. I’ll figure something out.”

Romana hated to leave him like this, but this just wasn’t her area of expertise. She had no experience with love and romance…

But maybe she knew someone who did.

“I think there’s someone who may be able to help you, Narvin.”

“Really?” He lifted his head and frowned. “It seems like there are so few people we can trust in the Capitol nowadays that I didn’t think…”

“Not in the Capitol.” She watched him, waiting for him to get it.

“But then who…?” Realisation seemed to suddenly dawn on him. “Oh, no. What does _he_ know about relationships anyway? All he seems to do is lose people.”

“Things have changed for the Doctor, Narvin. Actually, he’s happily married to a human right now—‘now’ being a relative term, of course.”

"A human!" Narvin seemed almost offended at the thought, then checked himself and mused, “Married to a human…I see.”

Romana continued: “He’s taking some time off from saving the universe for a while. He gave me his location and told me to contact him only if the entire universe is at stake.”

Narvin chuckled bitterly. “So I imagine he'll be rather angry if I show up."

Romana shrugged. "It's the best solution I have. Meanwhile, I can try to talk to Leela.”

“Thank you, Romana.” He let out a long sigh and ran a hand through his hair. “Can you send me the Doctor’s location?”

“You’re doing it, then?”

His eyes shone with complete honesty. “I have no idea where to go from here, Romana. If there’s even the slightest chance he can help, I’ll take it.”

“Then I’ll send the coordinates to your TARDIS immediately.” She turned to walk out of his office, but paused. “Good luck, Narvin.”

He mumbled something Romana didn’t completely catch, but it sounded like, “I think I’m going to need it.”


	3. Chapter 3

"Does it not feel good to be out of that dusty old building, Romana ?“ Leela breathed in a deep lungful of open air. While she would have preferred to go outside of the dome entirely, she knew that Romana wouldn’t follow her there this late, and she was in the mood for company. She wasn’t quite ready to be alone with her own thoughts yet.

“Yes,” Romana sighed, “I'll admit that the breath of fresh air is welcome.”

The city lay before Leela, virtually noiseless even as many people travelled to and fro. Leela remembered the Doctor taking her to giant cities where there were life and vitality all around. Though Leela had never enjoyed how cramped the cities were, the organised chaos and constant buzz of noise had filled her with energy.

But this silent city didn’t do the same, and Leela was reminded why she never came out here but instead skipped straight to the Outlands. _Time lords._ They couldn’t even make a city the right way.

“So,” Romana said, “what are your plans?”

“You know the Citadel best,” Leela said. “What can we do here for fun?”

“Fun?” Romana laughed. “This is the _Capitol,_ Leela. Everything here is purely functional.”

Leela crossed her arms and huffed. “Then we should get in a TARDIS and go to a _real_ city.”

Romana raised an eyebrow at her. “I’ve never known you to run from your problems.”

“I am not running!” But Leela considered how the bulk of her thoughts were about getting away from here, away from the time lords who looked down on her and all the stuffiness and rigidity— “I simply want to go somewhere different.”

“Is this about Narvin?”

“No,” Leela said quickly, perhaps too quickly to be believable. She hadn’t wanted to think about Narvin; that was something she could do later when she was alone and had satiated her boredom. “You know that I grow restless here.”

Romana yawned and covered her mouth. “It’s late, Leela. Maybe we can take a trip some other time.”

“There is really nothing that we can do here?”

“Well…” Romana looked around. “There are some gardens—”

“Gardens?” Leela laughed. “Romana, this is not a night for _gardens.”_

“Fine. How about just a walk, then?”

Leela sighed. “I suppose it will do.”

They walked away from the centre of the Capitol. With so many people about, some recognised Romana and nodded to her deferentially. A couple even dared to speak to her, while even others avoided her gaze. Leela wondered how tiring it was to be known everywhere you went. At least Romana wasn’t President anymore—then, she had hardly dared to go anywhere at all.

"Is it very different, being Coordinator of the CIA rather than President?” Leela asked eventually.

*It's much easier." Romana chuckled. "Really, I don't know what Narvin was always complaining about.”

“He likes to complain,” Leela said with a laugh. Long ago she would have ridiculed him for it, but now she found it somewhat endearing. Once again, her thoughts turned to her conversation with him from a short time ago. “What did he say to you before you joined me?”

Romana glanced over at her. “He’s worried; you know he is. He doesn’t like to upset you.”

Leela barked a short laugh. “Narvin is always worried. If there is no real threat, he invents one.”

“That’s not fair.”

“So you are on his side?”

Romana held her hands up in innocence. “I’m on no one’s side! I just want to help, Leela.”

“You have fixed many things, Romana, but there are some things Narvin and I must fix on our own.”

“Oh really? Is that why you walked out on Narvin rather than talking to him?”

Leela avoided Romana’s gaze as her cheeks warmed. That _had_ been cowardly. “I needed to think.”

“And yet here we are. This feels more like a distraction to me.” Romana stopped walking and Leela paused beside her. Romana looked her in the eye. “This isn’t like you, Leela. What are you afraid of?”

Leela winced at the word _afraid._ “I am not afraid.” And yet…while she did love Narvin, there was a side of that love that filled her with fear as well. Because as much as she’d loved Andred, it had all gone wrong in the end.

What if it happened again?

“Leela,” Romana said gently. Leela realised that she had unconsciously continued walking and Romana was just catching up with her. “Let me at least tell you, with complete honesty, that Narvin really does care for you deeply. You have to remember that he’s a time lord; we don’t show affection the same way you do.”

“I know that. But Andred…” It bothered her that his name was starting to feel foreign on her lips. “He was not afraid to take me as his wife. He did not question what it would do to his position.”

“He was a different person than Narvin, and he had his own faults.”

The words made something flinch deep inside of Leela. Yes, Andred had had many faults.

Romana touched her arm. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say it like that.”

“I know, Romana.” She let out a humourless chuckle. “It has been many years, and yet somehow, the wounds Andred left me with still bleed.”

There was silence for a long while as they weaved their way through the streets. Leela combed through her thoughts, admitting to herself that she was afraid and she _did_ need to talk to Narvin. Her feet moved without any real thought, and though she had no idea where she was going, Romana seemed content to follow her aimless meandering anyway. Eventually, Leela realised that she had brought them back to nearly where they started. She stared up at the CIA Tower, wondering if Narvin was still there in his office.

“What will you do?” Romana asked.

“I will tell him the truth, but he also has a choice he must make.”

“Yes, he certainly does.” She met Leela’s eyes. “Don’t be too hard on him. You’ve been married before, but Narvin is new at this.”

Leela nodded. “I will not give up on him; my love does not come and go so easily.”

And before she could see or hear Romana’s reaction, the Citadel went dark.

Leela came to a halt, her senses sharpening as she prepared herself for danger. She pulled out her knife like an instinct and with her other hand reached out for Romana. “Romana, what is happening?”

“I don’t know. It’s like we’ve lost all power, but that’s…” She grabbed Leela’s wrist. “We need to get back to the Tower.”

Despite the uncertainty, Leela felt a thrill as they raced back towards the CIA Tower. Finally, something interesting was happening tonight.


	4. Chapter 4

“Comfortable?” The Doctor plopped down on the sofa beside River, setting an oversized bowl of popcorn down on the table in front of him.

River snuggled into his side and stretched her blanket over to cover him, too. “Now I am.”

The Doctor smiled down at her and pressed his lips to the top of her head. “So, did you make up your mind? Call the Midwife, or The Sound of Music?”

River gazed at up at him, lips pursed like she was trying to concentrate.

The Doctor rolled his eyes, but a smile tugged at his lips. “I’ve told you, matrimonial telepathy isn’t a real thing. It’s your day to decide, not mine.”

River huffed. “Fine. The Sound of Music it is, then.”

The Doctor opened his mouth to applaud her choice—even though he’d have rather watched Call the Midwife—but a faint sound came to his ears. A sound that should not be here. A sound that _could_ not be here.

“Doctor, what—?” Then she seemed to hear it too. She sat up, looking past the kitchen towards the sound.

Burning anger flared up in the Doctor in an instant. “No,” he growled, jumping to his feet. A thousand thoughts ran through his head. The Master? The Rani? Clara? Romana?

“Doctor?” River called after him.

He turned. “Stay right there. I don’t know what this is, and I don’t want you getting involved until I do.”

She gave him the Look. The look that told him just how much she disagreed and just how much she could take care of herself.

“Please?” he asked as the grating sound of dematerialisation stopped.

“Fine,” River said, standing up. “But I’m getting my blaster.”

The Doctor decided that was good enough and stalked toward where he’d heard the noise. He opened the door to the walk in cupboard and came face to face with the Coordinator of the Celestial Intervention Agency.

 _“Out,”_ he said with as much venom as possible. “And you can tell Romana that’s the last time I trust her with anything.”

“But—”

"I don't care who's dying, you can go right back to the High Council and—“

“If you’d just let me—”

“I _don’t care,_ Narvin!” he shouted. “Whatever they want, _I. Don’t. Care._ If they’re really that desperate, come back in about thirteen years. You can do that, can’t you? Or do you need me to show you how?”

Narvin’s cheeks reddened and he balled his hands into fists. “I came on my own!” He yelled, matching the Doctor’s volume. “If you would just listen to me for one second, you’d know that Romana was under the impression that you still help people in need. Or is this what you’ve become, Doctor? You may have this little window of time to yourself, but are you really going to ignore the rest of the universe?”

“Yes,” the Doctor growled, taking a step forward and getting right into Narvin’s face. Narvin took a step back, all the bravado falling from his face as he was backed up against his TARDIS, disguised as an extra set of cupboard shelves. “You have no idea how precious this time is to me. In fact, you probably don’t understand how precious time is _at all._ I’m not going to waste one minute of this twenty-four years on you. So _get out.”_

Narvin’s jaw tightened and he huffed. “You’re wrong,” he said, his voice low. “Because _you_ have no idea what _I’ve_ been through. What we’ve all been through while you’ve been running away and hiding.”

The Doctor felt a presence shift behind him, River at his back, aiming a gun at Narvin. “Do I shoot?” she asked.

Narvin’s eyes grew wide. _“No!”_ he exclaimed, his voice practically squeaking. “I’m here on strictly personal business. This has nothing to do with Gallifrey.”

The Doctor had to admit that he entertained the thought of having River shoot. Let a regeneration teach Narvin a thing or two. Maybe he’d come out humbler.

But as much as he despised Narvin, of all people, the thought was only fleeting.

“It’s about Leela,” Narvin burst out. “I…probably should have just said that in the first place,” he muttered to himself.

River lowered the gun. The Doctor searched Narvin’s face.

“Is she hurt?”

Narvin swallowed, shook his head. “No, no. She’s fine.” He opened his mouth, then closed it, looking between River and the Doctor. “On second thought, you’re right. I really shouldn’t be here.”

“Wait,” the Doctor sighed as he reached for his TARDIS. “What do you have to say about Leela? And make it quick.”

Narvin wrung his hands, avoided the Doctor’s gaze. What in the world was wrong with him?

 _“Ah,”_ River murmured softly.

The Doctor blinked and looked down at her. “Did I miss something?”

“As always, my love, you miss the most obvious thing of all.” She took a step forward, adopting a less confrontational posture. “You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

 _“What?”_ the Doctor exclaimed.

Narvin put his hands up in defence and River was at his side, standing between him and the Doctor. “Well…those are strong words…I…” He coloured again, looking down at his feet.

River chuckled. “Time lords are all the same, aren’t they? The ‘L word’ is forbidden.”

“I don’t think the Coordinator of the CIA is capable of love,” the Doctor said, his thoughts souring even more towards Narvin. “I don’t think he even knows what it is. Have you even heard the word before?”

 _“Deputy_ Coordinator,” Narvin spat out, “if you cared to know what was going on.”

“Demoted? Glad to—”

“Doctor.” There was that look again from River, though this one was more threatening.

“You don’t know him, River. You don’t know what he’s _done.”_

She raised herself up to her full height to face the Doctor. “You’re right. I don’t. All I know is that he came here, probably knowing you’d be angry at him, and hasn’t done a single thing but stand here taking your insults. He’s not even armed! All I’ve seen so far is bullying. And it’s not from him.” She raised an eyebrow.

Now it was the Doctor’s turn to look away. “I don’t want anything to take away our time,” he murmured, chastened.

“Five minutes out of twenty-four years won’t kill us,” River said. “Let’s at least hear what he has to say.”

The Doctor kept up his frown. He _really_ didn’t want to deal with Narvin at the moment.

“You didn’t change your name when you stayed here with me,” River said softly, touching his cheek. “You’re still the Doctor. That’s the one thing I never want you to compromise for me.”

He finally looked into her eyes and knew she was right. She always was. He sighed, softening in a moment. “Five minutes,” he agreed, “and then we get back to The Sound of Music.”

River smiled and kissed him briefly. Narvin cleared his throat and River pulled away.

“Well?” he asked, looking rather embarrassed.

“I’ll listen,” the Doctor said flatly. “You get five minutes.”

“First,” River said, “we should probably get out of the cupboard.

Narvin looked around like he hadn’t even realised that’s where he was. “Oh. Yes. You…er…is this your home?”

“Yes, it is,” River said cheerily. “Would you like some tea? You do look rather shaken up.”

The Doctor bit back a groan. Great. River was being _nice_ to him.

“Well…if it wouldn’t be any trouble.”

The Doctor opened his mouth to say, _“Yes, it would,”_ but River’s hand found his arm and squeezed before he could say a word. They had just made tea a couple minutes ago— _and it’s now getting cold,_ the Doctor thought grouchily—so there was still a kettle full of hot water. The Doctor glared at Narvin as River poured a cuppa and Narvin thanked her as she handed him the mug. That one detail struck the Doctor as significant.

 _Narvin, thanking someone?_ He wondered if he really had been away from the goings on of Gallifrey for too long…but he’d have to see more to believe that someone like _Narvin_ had changed. 

“To the point?” the Doctor asked.

Narvin cradled the mug of tea in his hands and tapped his fingertips against it. “Yes. Well. For the past several months, Leela and I have been…” He trailed off, his fingers drumming faster against the mug.

“A couple?” River offered.

“Yes, I suppose that’s a human term for it. But things are delicate on Gallifrey…”

And Narvin went on to describe a recurring argument with Leela and his own inner turmoil as he struggled to find the right course of action. The Doctor listened, but it was River who questioned. He told them about his talk with Romana and how she’d suggested he come here.

“She said that you’d found a way to make a…relationship with a human work.”

“Well, not _quite_ human,” River said under her breath.

The Doctor cleared his throat to try to cover up her words. He didn’t exactly want the time lords knowing about River’s unique biology.

“And so I came here to ask for help. Romana said I needed to _do_ something to show Leela how much I value her—”

River huffed a brief laugh. “Let’s get one thing straight. If you try to fix this by telling her that you _value_ her, she’ll probably pull her knife on you. I know that confessing love isn’t exactly a forte for any time lord, but there are other things you can do.”

A thought came into the Doctor’s mind. _Am I really about to give Narvin marriage advice?_ he wondered. But, if what Narvin was telling them was true—and as much as he hated to admit it, it did seem like he hadn’t told a single lie so far—then any help he gave Narvin would in turn help Leela, too. And he owed that to her, at least.

“It was never easy for River and me. But when I wanted to show her how much she meant to me, I gave her time. My time. Twenty-four years of it.”

“But I can’t do that,” Narvin protested with a sigh. “I have a duty to Gallifrey; I can’t just leave everything.”

“And I doubt she’d expect you to,” River cut in. “If she truly loves you, she knows how much Gallifrey means to you. I don’t think that’s what she’s been asking from you.”

“But what else can I give her?” Narvin asked. His tea was long gone but he still held onto the mug like it was his lifeline.

In looking down in thought, the Doctor eyed his wedding band, the one he’d worn even before he’d met River in this body. His promise to her.

“A promise,” he said, looking up into Narvin’s eyes, “that what you feel is something that’s going to last. A promise that you’re choosing her despite everyone and everything that’s against you.”

Narvin shuffled his feet. “I was rather afraid you might say something like that.”

“So,” the Doctor scoffed, thinking he’d found Narvin’s limit, “that’s one thing you _can’t_ do?” 

“Of course I can!” Narvin said, raising his voice a little. “I’d do it in a heartsbeat. But Leela’s been married before. I don’t know if she…” He trailed off, looking down. “Andred had his faults, don’t get me wrong, but in the beginning, he _was_ a good man; even I recognised that.How can I…?” He ended with a sigh, unable to finish.

“I never said it would be easy.” The Doctor looked over at River and smiled. “It’ll be far from simple.”

River took the Doctor’s hand and looked earnestly at Narvin. “But if you show her that you’re serious about this, that you can promise her everything you are—that goes a long way.”

“But only if you really mean it,” the Doctor finished. “And Leela speaks her mind. If she’s not ready—”

Narvin nodded. “She’ll tell me.”

The Doctor noted how within the span of just a few minutes, the whole environment had settled from being thick with tension to calm and comforting. Narvin seemed to almost smile as he set down his mug on the nearest countertop.

“I think I know what I need to do.” He looked between both of them, clear sincerity in his eyes. “Thank you. I know that you didn’t want any intrusions, but I really am grateful to you for hearing me out. If there’s anything I can do to repay you…”

“Just keep those coordinates safe for me,” the Doctor said. “One intervention is quite enough.”

Narvin chuckled. “Yes, of course.” He stood there awkwardly for a moment, then turned back toward the cupboard where his TARDIS was parked. He paused. “I know that we’ve had our differences, Doctor, but…it’s good to see that you’ve finally found somewhere you belong.”

The Doctor smiled, knowing the sentiment was sincerely meant. This truly was where he belonged—by River’s side.

“Tell everyone I said hello,” the Doctor said. He didn’t know what point in time Narvin was coming from, but he was aware that for a good while, Gallifrey became quite crowded with his old friends.

“Of course. Romana, Leela, and Ace will all be glad to know you’re doing well.” He nodded at River. “And it’s been a pleasure to meet you, River.”

“I’m glad we could help, Narvin.”

His lips turned up in a small smile before he walked into the cupboard. His TARDIS dematerialised a moment later. The Doctor felt the little knot of fear that had been tightening in his chest ever since Narvin showed up slowly fade away.

“I hope we’re invited to the wedding,” River said.

The Doctor scoffed. “You’re that sure?”

“You should know by now, my love. I’m never wrong. Just like how I know that you want to watch Call the Midwife instead of The Sound of Music.” She made her way back to the living room and the Doctor followed a moment later.

“But how did you—?”

River turned to grin at him and tapped the side of her head. “Matrimonial telepathy.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there are typos, this chapter was a monster to write and I'm half-asleep right now XD Hope the ending lives up to the rest of the fic!

Narvin stepped out into pure darkness.

His hearts seized within him and he froze in the doorway of his TARDIS. Had he set the coordinates wrong? Had something happened to Gallifrey? By his calculations, he should have only been gone for a span or two…

“Narvin?”

He jumped before he could identify the voice as Leela’s. He sighed in relief. “Leela? Are you all right? What’s happened? Are we under attack?”

He heard her footsteps and in another moment he could see her shadowy form from the light that spilt out of the open TARDIS door. “Do not worry, Narvin. Everything is all right.”

But the darkness was so wrong in this place that should have been full of light. It almost seemed like a living force, pressing in on him and making it harder to breathe. “Then why is it so dark?”

“The power has gone out.”

Narvin blinked at her. “This is the _Capitol,_ for Rassilon’s sake, the power doesn’t just ‘go out!’”

Leela shrugged. “That is what Romana said. She knew you would be returning and told me to find you and make sure you know that no one is in danger.”

Narvin huffed. _I leave Gallifrey for one span…_ “I’d better go see what I can do to help.”

“Wait.” Leela blocked his path, her mouth set in a firm line. She didn’t seem angry, just…serious. “I have something I must say to you, Narvin.”

He suddenly felt cold and warm at the same time, his hearts thumping a little faster in his chest. His mouth ran dry. “I…need to talk to you, too. But…” He nearly said _it will have to wait,_ but it couldn’t, not really. Yet, at the same time, the power outage was concerning. He needed to make sure it wasn’t warning of a bigger threat to Gallifrey.

“Romana also wanted me to tell you that she can handle the power outage by herself.”

Narvin could nearly see the stern look in Romana’s eyes as Leela relayed the message. Romana was really telling him, _“You need to fix this, now.”_

And she was right. But just the thought of it nearly had him trembling in his boots.

He could fight it. He could defy Romana’s message and march up the CIA Tower anyway. He could delay this, put it off until he’d found all the right words, memorised them, quoted them a thousand times…

But then Narvin looked into Leela’s eyes. This was all about showing her how much he loved her—not just once, but in every choice he made.

“Right. Well, instead of standing out here in the dark, we can go into my TARDIS.”

Leela smiled. “I have another idea.” She held out a hand. “Do you trust me, Narvin?”

Without hesitation, he closed the TARDIS door behind him and took her hand. “After all this time, is there any doubt?”

Her smile grew wider before she turned and they walked into the darkness. Narvin had to admit he was rather glad he was holding Leela’s hand; he didn’t like the huge chamber being flooded with night. Alone, he would have stumbled about and probably bruised himself all over, but Leela’s steps were sure and steady as she led him through the TARDIS Bay. He couldn’t help but marvel at her; he couldn’t see a thing.

“Is this what it was like for you?” he asked quietly, as the volume seemed appropriate. It occurred to him a moment later that he should have been more specific, but Leela seemed to know exactly what he meant.

“I have never since been lost in the dark,” Leela replied.

Narvin’s eyes started to adjust and he saw the shadowy outline of a doorway. They walked through it and entered into one of the main corridors of the building.

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

“I thought you trusted me beyond doubt.” Leela glanced over at him and even in the dimness, he could see the teasing light in her eyes. “It is a surprise.”

Narvin felt a tiny bit anxious about the thought of a surprise from Leela, but he realised in a moment that this was what he was committing himself to. Being with Leela wasn’t calm, reasonable, and orderly like most of his life; it was wild, unpredictable, and full of surprises.

And it was…actually quite exhilarating when he took the time to enjoy it.

“Very well, I won’t ask anything else.” His suspicions continued to grow, however, as they walked almost the entire length of the corridor; Leela was leading him to the exit. _The Outlands?_ he wondered. She liked to spend time there. He didn’t exactly relish the thought of being out there with all the wild animals and such, but he’d meant it when he’d said he trusted her. He’d allow her to lead him anywhere.

“Where did you go in your TARDIS?” Leela asked, forcing him to resurface from his thoughts.

“To talk to someone. I needed some advice.” He could picture Leela getting angry at the thought of him seeing the Doctor without her; he’d tell her, of course, but he determined that now wasn’t quite the right moment.

“You? Needing advice?”

Narvin sighed. “I’m far from perfect.”

Leela led him outside the building, then immediately turned to the left. _Not the Outlands, then,_ he determined. He looked out over the Citadel and saw that it, too, was completely dark; it was an eerie sight, but a peaceful one as well. No one was about and the city didn’t even carry the whisper of hushed voices.

When he turned his attention back to Leela, he suddenly realised where they were going. _The gardens._ The scents of many different flowers suddenly surrounded him, all the aromas somehow complementing each other. Narvin had only been here a couple times, and he’d certainly never taken the time to admire the towering trees or the perfectly trimmed bushes. There was even grass underfoot, and only once they reached the very centre of the gardens did Leela stop.

It was so silent that Narvin thought he could pick out individual rustling leaves. Anticipation clenched his gut. He had the feeling that when they walked out of this garden, things between them would be very different, for better or for worse.

“Look, Narvin,” Leela said quietly. “It has been a long time since I have seen so many stars."

He followed her gaze and looked up. With the whole Citadel darkened, the stars seemed to fill almost every inch of the night sky. The moon was only a sliver, giving off only the most meagre amount of light. A breeze brushed by and caused the plants to gently shake their branches and leaves. A strong floral smell came to Narvin’s nose, something sweet that he wasn’t sure he’d ever smelled before.

He took his time drinking in the whole sight. This was something Leela had taught him, to take in a moment with every single one of his senses.

He wasn’t sure he’d ever experienced a moment quite like this.

“It’s beautiful.” He pressed her hand. “I didn’t know you even knew about the gardens.”

“Romana told me about them.”

Romana’s name brought back to mind the whole reason why he was here, the things he had to say to Leela.

Leela frowned at him. "You are thinking."

He felt a smile tug at his lips. She knew him too well. “It's your fault.”

“My fault?" she said indignantly

"Yes, it really is.” He half-turned toward her, meeting her eyes. “I’ve been thinking about what happened earlier tonight and…I’m sorry. I haven’t been fair to you. I tried to tell myself that I was being reasonable, but really I was just being selfish. You have every right to be angry with me.”

Leela’s hand covered his cheek and her gaze softened. He leaned into the warmth of her touch, only just stopping himself from closing his eyes. He couldn’t get too distracted; he still had more to say.

“I have been disappointed, Narvin, not angry.” Her lips twitched into a smirk. “You would know if I was angry.”

He chuckled. “All right, disappointed, then. Either way, I want to make it up to you.” He swallowed, trying to regain courage for the next words that needed to be said. “But I…I need to ask you something first.” He mentally cursed the way his voice trailed off into a terrified whisper.

Leela’s mouth opened and he barely heard her sharp intake of breath. The drumming of his heartbeats filled the brief silence.

“I will listen to your question,” Leela said, “but first, there is something I must tell you.”

Narvin felt like he couldn’t swallow anymore. Like he couldn’t even breathe. All he could do was nod dumbly. Leela slid her hand from his and rested it on his arm. Narvin delicately held her around the waist, waiting as she seemed to gather herself.

"It is about…Andred,” she continued, lowering her gaze a fraction.

He saw the pain in her eyes and knew at that moment he would do anything to take it away. Leela was always free with her emotions, but this was the part of herself that she kept locked up. Narvin had just accepted it as something she would always keep to herself. But the fact that she was trusting him with this pain, her innermost heartbreak…

“Leela, you don’t have to—”

“Please,” she said, moving her hand from his cheek to his chest. “Let me speak.”

He put his hand over hers and squeezed it.

“I try not to think about Andred because then I dwell on memories that I wish would have never happened. It makes me angry to think of how he betrayed me, but guilty for how much I hated him. Most of all, the memories I have of Andred make me…afraid.” Her glassy eyes flickered up to his, watching his reaction. “And being afraid makes me feel weak, so I bury it deep down inside and run from it like a coward.”

Narvin opened his mouth to protest, then remembered he was just supposed to listen and stayed silent as she went on.

“That is why I left you earlier,” she said quietly. “I began to feel that fear when we argued. Because Andred…” Narvin watched her brace herself, steel her jaw and control her voice. “Andred betrayed our love. When I think back to the beginning, when we were first married, I look for things that I may not have seen, shadows of what was to come; but there are none.” Her grip on his arm tightened. “One day Andred was mine, and the next he was gone—and there was nothing I could have done to stop it. And now that I feel this love for you, Narvin, that fear rises up in me as I wonder if it will happen again.”

He waited for a moment, allowed the depth of her words to settle. He felt Leela begin to tremble. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Her fingers curled into his robes as her next breath came out as a shuddering sob.

“Leela,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around her like an instinct. His hearts tore in two as he heard her try to swallow her sobs and her arms wound tightly around him.

“You’re not weak, or a coward,” he told her, laughing airily as he tried to fight his own tears. “That’s my job.”

He heard her laugh a little even as she sniffled.

“I know that what Andred did hurt you, and I’m only sorry that I didn’t have the decency to try and help you back then—none of us did, really. But I’m here now.” He pulled back just enough to see her face, placing one hand on her cheek. “I wish I could promise you that it will be easy, that we’ll never have to be apart, that I’ll never hurt you, but—I can’t. You know that I’ve made so many mistakes, Leela, and our lives are anything but safe living on Gallifrey.”

His eyes stung but Leela’s tears were long gone as she watched him intently. He breathed out a silent breath like a prayer. “But there is one promise I can make.” He opened his mouth and felt like he would choke; there was a lump lodged in his throat and he could barely see now for all of the built up tears and— _dear Rassilon_ he hadn’t wanted to cry when he did this, but it was like all the love he’d ever felt for Leela was welling up in him at once and he couldn’t do a thing to control it.

“I can promise you that whatever comes, I’ll be by your side.” His voice trembled and some of his tears slipped out, but he carried on anyway. “I know I can say that over and over again, but—I want to show you that I mean it.” A nervous chuckle burst from his lips. He could feel the tears tracking down his cheeks but somehow couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed about it. He looked into her eyes, trying to remember how to make his mouth move to form the final words.

“Narvin?” Leela prompted with an amused smile.

“Sorry, I…this is more difficult than I thought.”

She reached up to trace her thumbs across his cheeks, capturing his tears. “You were going to ask me something?”

“Yes, I’m getting to that. I…” Leela’s smile grew as once again, Narvin found himself at a loss for how to phrase it. “Rassilon help me,” he muttered under his breath.

“I do not think you need Rassilon to help you with this,” Leela teased.

Narvin steadied himself with another breath and focused on her eyes. _I can be brave for you._

He cleared his throat. “I don’t suppose you’d want to…marry me?”

Leela simply raised her eyebrows, but it looked like she was fighting a grin. “You would marry a human?”

“Not just any human.” He paused, finding that words flowed much easier now. “I know that after everything, you may not want to, and that’s why I want this to be your—”

He was suddenly cut off by Leela flinging her arms around his neck and pressing a firm kiss to his lips, throwing so much momentum into the movement that Narvin staggered backwards and held onto her to keep from falling. A laugh bubbled up from Leela until she pulled away, the light of the stars dancing in her eyes.

“You talk too much, Narvin.”

"I know." Narvin swallowed; his brain still hadn’t quite caught up to the present moment. ”Feel free to shut me up like that any time.” 

He realised, then, that she still hadn’t really answered him, but when she pulled him close and rested her forehead against his, closing her eyes, he didn’t have the heart to interrupt the moment. He closed his eyes too, and as he brushed his hand along her cheek, he couldn’t help but catch a whisper of her thoughts, the heaviness of her pain and the weight that this decision carried for her. As difficult as it had been for him to ask, he realised it was just as difficult for Leela to answer, to make sure she was ready for this.

“You are cheating,” she said.

He panicked, opening his eyes wide to try and discern whether she was angry or making fun of him again. “I—I didn’t mean to—”

Leela pressed a soft kiss to his lips, once again effectively silencing him. “I will marry you, Narvin, and I will not be afraid.”

Narvin let out a long sigh. “Leela,” he breathed, holding her head to his, not knowing what else he could say. He felt the future shift and change before him, avenues he would have never thought possible. He saw love, he saw himself growing into a better man, he saw…happiness. Hardship. War. Destruction. But through everything, they were together.

“I won’t be afraid either,” he choked out, his fingers tightened in her hair as he tried in vain to quell the emotions rising up in him again.

“Of course you will,” Leela said, whispering through her own tears. “But I will be there to calm you. I will be your strength, Narvin.”

He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her close, letting his tears fall. “You already are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing the follow-up fic to this one, "My Big Fat Gallifreyan Wedding." (Of course that's not actually the title...or is it??) Coming some time in the near future after I finish all the other fic ideas I have queued up!


End file.
